{"id":508,"date":"2024-05-14T15:12:23","date_gmt":"2024-05-14T15:12:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/marginallyoffensive.com\/?p=508"},"modified":"2025-01-14T19:23:56","modified_gmt":"2025-01-14T19:23:56","slug":"gender-bending-allies-angry-at-alphabet-for-running-out-of-letters-commit-to-steal-greek-ones","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/marginallyoffensive.com\/index.php\/2024\/05\/14\/gender-bending-allies-angry-at-alphabet-for-running-out-of-letters-commit-to-steal-greek-ones\/","title":{"rendered":"Gender-Bending Allies Angry at Alphabet for Running Out of Letters, Commit to Steal Greek Ones"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Allies were extremely alarmed to find out that not only did they run out of letters in the alphabet to represent their genders, but there were also not enough in all other countries\u2019 alphabets combined to satiate their non-binary representation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One distraught androgynous-looking protestor named Pat exclaimed:
\u201cIn America, I can only use 26 letters. Even the Chinese have over 100,000. Everything\u2019s better in China. I wish I was alive under communist dictator Mao Zedong. There was so much more equality when everyone had equal amounts of nothing.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Another ally, also named Pat, suggested there should be a special symbol to represent trans-bender athletes:
\u201cJust because a six-foot four-inch dude with large muscles and Adam\u2019s apple is singing Shania Twain\u2019s \u201cI Feel Like a Woman\u201d while combing locks of his hair in the women\u2019s locker room, and taking off the swimsuit to give multiple women an eye full of 8-inch Oscar Mayer while announcing \u2018Welcome to the sausage party ladies!\u2019\u2026doesn\u2019t mean we shouldn\u2019t consider him a true woman.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Allies also felt exasperated, because although they attended college in spirit, they didn\u2019t know any actual arithmetic. They only knew of <\/em>arithmetic, and couldn\u2019t figure out how to assign the thousands of new genders to symbols.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Luckily, Harvard Professor Thanh Nguyen came to the rescue:
\u201cThe cardinality of your genders is the same as the cardinality of the set of natural numbers, which is countably infinite. The natural numbers, just like the progressive party, are infinitely progressive without purpose or end.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Logisticians tried to support the fluid gender types, but immediately discovered a horrible paradox. The weakling with the thick square glasses told them that gender is fluid and can change at any time, while the frail, homely outcast told them you can be born with a brain gender that doesn\u2019t match your body gender.

One logistician pondered:
\u201cIf gender is fluid, you could change it and never get stuck in the wrong body, but if you can get stuck in the wrong body, then gender isn\u2019t fluid. We\u2019ll have to put this statement in the complexity class of undecidable, same as my ability to tell if \u2018It\u2019s Pat\u2019 is packing pants-wood or not. This paradox is a true mind and<\/em> gender bender.\u201d

Despite their illogical axioms, the logisticians tried to support the pudgy antifa types, as they seemed nice enough when not starting fires in the parking lot and destroying their cars.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe couldn\u2019t find a trans-colored flag, so we grabbed an Obama-era gay rainbow version and added a bunch of fruity pastel colors,\u201d one PHD Princeton professor said.

\u201cAs mathematicians, we really like deciphering symbols. These seemed rather cryptic, so we had to enlist the help of others around the world in our profession. So far, from the LGBTQ, we\u2019ve only deciphered that the Beta symbol \u03b2 is for \u201cBadussy,\u201d and the T is for either \u201cTrans\u201d or \u201cTranny.\u201d The \u201cQ\u201d is for \u201cQuestioning Reality\u201d and the \u201cH\u201d is obviously \u201cHabitual Hermaphrodite.\u201d

After years of study, astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyrone Tyson announced his scientific method had devised the letter “A” in LGBTQIA is for \u201cAmbiguous Genitalia,\u201d and that scientists are never wrong.

Neil explained: \u201cScience and scientists are never ever wrong\u2026except when they burned Galileo at the stake for suggesting the earth revolves around the sun, or that time they said the earth is flat, or anytime they try to replicate their own studies\u2026but other than that, scientists are always totally right.\u201d

Most mathematicians were disappointed to learn that \u201c2S\u201d stood for \u201cTwo Gender Spirits\u201d as they preferred a much higher integer, such as 3 to 3 to 3 power, which equals 7,625,597,484,987, a number approximate to the amount of genders the allies had so far managed to discover. The math teachers were also unsure what a gender spirit was, but said they would get around to it after solving the 3,000 year old Zeno\u2019s Paradox.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cCommandeering Greek Letters worked for naming Covid strands. Plus we\u2019re already masked up for illicit Pansexuals for Palestine activities.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":509,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-508","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-article"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/marginallyoffensive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/508","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/marginallyoffensive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/marginallyoffensive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marginallyoffensive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marginallyoffensive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=508"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/marginallyoffensive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/508\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":636,"href":"https:\/\/marginallyoffensive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/508\/revisions\/636"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marginallyoffensive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/509"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/marginallyoffensive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=508"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marginallyoffensive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=508"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/marginallyoffensive.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=508"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}