Every Category of United Nation’s New Food Pyramid Now Insects
“Caterpillar covered crickets are the new caviar,” declares UN Head Chef.
Hans Viktor Schattenfürst, a prominent Davos attendant and member of the National Socialist Party, laid out plans for a new global food pyramid. He noted the old style food pyramid, comprised of meat, eggs, and cheese, provided “way too much energy for revolution.” The new food pyramid was carefully constructed to provide “just enough sustenance to surrender your currency and western ideals.”
Schattenfürst: “A third of impoverished peasants eat insects for protein. After we commandeer your bovine and swine farms, we replace with waxworm and termite farms. Then you eat insects. Insects for everyone. Equality of food dependence for everyone. Poverty protein for everyone.”
The UN head chef, Klaus Nacthengiest, jumped in to exemplify the immaculate plan.
Chef Nacthengiest: “You eat crunchy cheese puffs before, now I fry you crunchy caterpillars. You eat Sunny-side up eggs, now I feed you scrambled larvae eggs. You have sad diets on plates, now you have happy dung beetles on plates. We take your salt and pepper. You flavor with fire ants now.”
Chief Climate Alarmist Al Gore also gave a passionate speech about the need to quickly switch to eating insects to reduce greenhouse gases produced by farm animals and advocated governments enforcing immediate insect consumption compliance. He explained that the evil greenhouse gases slowly and cozily warm the earth, and might become a problem in a million or billion years, so we should take reckless action now.
Al Gore: “I’ve focused my life on the world’s most important issues: global warming awareness, grassroots leadership awareness, climate crisis awareness, and cow flatulence awareness. As they say, the first step to not taking action, is to talk about forming a committee which studies the efficacy of talking about taking action, and no one’s been on more committees than me.”
He continued,
“The committee has raised awareness that eating meat means more cows, and more cows means more cow flatulence. You might be asking questions such as, ‘What does Al Gore know about flatulence?’, but I assure you, I became a flatulence expert after switching my diet exclusively to chili-flavored bean burritos topped with pork rinds for every meal. Flatulence increases the earth’s temperature, causes the ocean to boil, and creates rain bombs.”
When the Associated Press asked Al Gore to explain the term “rain bombs,” he replied:
“It’s worse than 600,000 Hiroshima nuclear bombs going off at once. Think of the death. Think of the environmental fallout for generations to come. Think of the loss of humanity!”
Associated Press: “Could you describe what a ‘rain bomb’ is in more concrete terms? We’re still not sure what it is.”
Al Gore: “A rain bomb is an intense and concentrated burst of rainfall in a specific area.”
Associated Press: “So it’s heavy rainfall that could cause massive flooding and kill thousands while destroying property?”
Al Gore: “Well, I wouldn’t go that far. Maybe more of a light drizzle for a few seconds that could dampen a hair follicle or two. But I assure you, it’s extremely hazardous and volatile…for example, think how many umbrellas might receive a small sprinkle.”
It was also noted that Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize for his lifelong divisive commentary that divided Americans into two warring groups: one that believes the ice caps are going to melt immediately and submerge everyone in boiling ocean water, and another that believes global warming is a sham perpetuated on the masses to enforce subjugation.
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