Gender-Bending Allies Angry at Alphabet for Running Out of Letters, Commit to Steal Greek Ones

Allies were extremely alarmed to find out that not only did they run out of letters in the alphabet to represent their genders, but there were also not enough in all other countries’ alphabets combined to satiate their non-binary representation.

One distraught androgynous-looking protestor named Pat exclaimed:
“In America, I can only use 26 letters. Even the Chinese have over 100,000. Everything’s better in China. I wish I was alive under communist dictator Mao Zedong. There was so much more equality when everyone had equal amounts of nothing.”

Another ally, also named Pat, suggested there should be a special symbol to represent trans-bender athletes:
“Just because a six-foot four-inch dude with large muscles and Adam’s apple is singing Shania Twain’s “I Feel Like a Woman” while combing locks of his hair in the women’s locker room, and taking off the swimsuit to give multiple women an eye full of 8-inch Oscar Mayer while announcing ‘Welcome to the sausage party ladies!’…doesn’t mean we shouldn’t consider him a true woman.”

The Allies also felt exasperated, because although they attended college in spirit, they didn’t know any actual arithmetic. They only knew of arithmetic, and couldn’t figure out how to assign the thousands of new genders to symbols.

Luckily, Harvard Professor Thanh Nguyen came to the rescue:
“The cardinality of your genders is the same as the cardinality of the set of natural numbers, which is countably infinite. The natural numbers, just like the progressive party, are infinitely progressive without purpose or end.”

Logisticians tried to support the fluid gender types, but immediately discovered a horrible paradox. The weakling with the thick square glasses told them that gender is fluid and can change at any time, while the frail, homely outcast told them you can be born with a brain gender that doesn’t match your body gender.

One logistician pondered:
“If gender is fluid, you could change it and never get stuck in the wrong body, but if you can get stuck in the wrong body, then gender isn’t fluid. We’ll have to put this statement in the complexity class of undecidable, same as my ability to tell if ‘It’s Pat’ is packing pants-wood or not. This paradox is a true mind and gender bender.”

Despite their illogical axioms, the logisticians tried to support the pudgy antifa types, as they seemed nice enough when not starting fires in the parking lot and destroying their cars.

“We couldn’t find a trans-colored flag, so we grabbed an Obama-era gay rainbow version and added a bunch of fruity pastel colors,” one PHD Princeton professor said.

“As mathematicians, we really like deciphering symbols. These seemed rather cryptic, so we had to enlist the help of others around the world in our profession. So far, from the LGBTQ, we’ve only deciphered that the Beta symbol β is for “Badussy,” and the T is for either “Trans” or “Tranny.” The “Q” is for “Questioning Reality” and the “H” is obviously “Habitual Hermaphrodite.”

After years of study, astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyrone Tyson announced his scientific method had devised the letter “A” in LGBTQIA is for “Ambiguous Genitalia,” and that scientists are never wrong.

Neil explained: “Science and scientists are never ever wrong…except when they burned Galileo at the stake for suggesting the earth revolves around the sun, or that time they said the earth is flat, or anytime they try to replicate their own studies…but other than that, scientists are always totally right.”

Most mathematicians were disappointed to learn that “2S” stood for “Two Gender Spirits” as they preferred a much higher integer, such as 3 to 3 to 3 power, which equals 7,625,597,484,987, a number approximate to the amount of genders the allies had so far managed to discover. The math teachers were also unsure what a gender spirit was, but said they would get around to it after solving the 3,000 year old Zeno’s Paradox.