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Spurred to do better than the ineffective Covid-19 vaccines that were tested on 8 rats over two weeks, clinicians increased to 9 rats and added a mouse, instantly instilling consumer confidence.

“Commandeering Greek Letters worked for naming Covid strands. Plus we’re already masked up for illicit Pansexuals for Palestine activities.”

“Dollar(s) Menu still an incredible value,” totes McDonalds CFO. “For less than a hundred dollars, you can partially feed an unshaven vagrant.”

“Caterpillar covered crickets are the new caviar,” declares UN Head Chef.

“And may I remind you, our new Marshmallow-Only Luckier Charms is slightly healthier than our Throat-Clogger Uppers, which consist exclusively of industrial waste products and soy lecithin.”

“I’ve rallied my whole life against the people who told me I couldn’t craft awful, nonsensical lyrics that no one understands…I really thought I could win this time.”

“I’ve been having conversations…cogent conversations…with Abe Lincoln…last Night. I’m mentally finagle as a bagel. Abe said so himself.”

Gender is hard. Delve into the brain of Matt Walsh as he ponders the difference between “pants tents” and “minge muffs.”

CEO of Meta questioned about using a large portion of the world’s energy to create a replica of his mullet in the Metaverse.